July 4, 2007
1 Comment
The Guests Are Coming! Hide the Vibes!

As you may have guessed, I’m a sexually active female: one who’s interested in exploring and experimenting with different things. As a result, I’ve amassed a decent (though not particularly impressive) collection of sex toys: at present I own a Hitachi Magic Wand (as well as a silicone attachment for said Magic Wand), a silicone dildo, a waterproof Nubby G vibrator, a Pocket Rocket, a Hello Kitty vibe (a gift from a Japanese friend), and a Tristan butt plug.

Most of the time these items are put away, but sometimes I have them out. Sometimes I leave them out (mostly out of laziness, not frequency of use). And sometimes — heaven forbid! — I happen to have a toy or two out when I have guests over. Which brings me to the point of this post: how much of a faux pas is it to have sex toys out when you have guests over?

On the one hand, I can see how having toys out and about might cause some offense. After all, we live in a culture that likes to treat sex as a private matter (read: something we shouldn’t discuss in public), and having toys out is a reminder that — shocking but true! — I happen to be interested in sexual pleasure, and devotes some time to that pursuit. I’m a sexual being: scandalous!

On the other hand, everyone knows that I masturbate. I mean, seriously: everyone knows that I masturbate. So why should I have to hide physical evidence of that fact? Obviously, it’d be a little gross to have a room strewn with used toys (in the same way that it would be gross to have a room strewn with used condoms, or really dirty clothes), but if my toys are clean, why should anyone give a fuck?

The next time anyone asks, I’m going to say that my butt plug is modern art.

[NB: All of the above is null and void when my parents come to town. As far as I'm concerned, my parents should never see any evidence that I'm sexually active: anything and everything to that effect goes straight into the closet before they visit.]

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Monica Shores