BY Lux Alptraum
August 27, 2007
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This week’s edition of The Ethicist (the New York Times‘s ethical advice column) opens with a question on sexual ethics: specifically, a question about STI disclosure.

The story goes something like this: two lawyers have a one night stand (using a condom).

A few days later, the male lawyer comes down with a fever, and the female lawyer admits to having genital herpes. Pissed off, the male lawyer contemplates imperiling his ladyfriend’s career by reporting her “lapse of sexual ethics” to a committee considering her for a judgeship.

Classy.

Thankfully, The Ethicist is able to make the distinction between behavior in the bedroom and behavior on the job, arguing that this slip in sexual ethics has nothing to do with one’s ability to perform a job. He doesn’t give much thought to the ethics of STI disclosure, however, labeling the lady in question’s actions as “dreadful,” and leaving it at that. We’re not so sure we agree with that one.

Yes, the woman in question should have owned up and told her partner about her STI — before she had sex with him. But you know what? He should have had a conversation with her about STIs, and made sure they were both on the same page about safety precautions — before he had sex with her. We’re all responsible for our own safety and decisions (especially given that it’s entirely possible to have sex with someone who doesn’t even know that they’re infected).

The likelihood of transmitting herpes when no sores are present and a condom is in use is relatively low — and the stigma that comes with admitting that one has an STI (especially one like herpes, which doesn’t go away) is relatively high. So it’s understandable that someone might err on the side of reputation and (after taking safety precautions) neglect to inform their partner of the minimal risk they’re undertaking. Not admirable, certainly, but understandable. And — at least in our book — much less dreadful than threatening to out someone as having herpes with an eye towards destroying their career.

[Photo by skateborden]