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October 22, 2007
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Can Porn Go Bad?

Tomatoes rot, milk sours, cheese grows mold: if something’s good, you can pretty much count on it going bad. The best things in life aren’t meant to last forever. They have their brief moment in the sun, and then it’s all downhill from there.

So what about porn? Does it, too, have an expiration date, or does it somehow manage to be timeless? In an attempt to answer this pressing question, we paged through decades and decades of “vintage” porn, looking for signs of rot, mold, or just plain out-of-dateness.

In the end, we found that, yes, porn does go bad. Though there are a few timeless pieces that, like a fine wine or your grandfather’s watch, get better with age, the majority of porn can barely last a few weeks, let alone years or decades.

Fashions change, porn goes out of style. At the end of the day, porn is a piece of pop culture: and pop culture is not known for its longevity. As fashions change, things that once seemed hot become gross; and what was once unthinkably dirty becomes commonplace.

An obvious example? Pubic hair. We’ve all seen pubic styles evolve throughout the years — and while a full bush was considered the height of sexy all those years ago, current trends reveal that Brazilians are in, and anything else is past its expiration date.

Similarly, ideas about foreplay have changed as time has marched on. In the days of John Holmes, extended foreplay was an expected part of the action. These days, it’s more along the lines of “Throw girls in the bus and start getting it on” — clearly, our expectations for porn’s content just aren’t the same.

Of course, a porn’s freshness isn’t just about the appearances of the performers or blowjobs per second. As social mores and standards change, the kind of porn we make changes as well — and anything out of date is just not hot.

Diminishing returns of porn. The shelf life of porn isn’t just about whether or not you can jack off to the same things that Grandma liked. There’s also the fact that all porn — even porn made today — is only good for a short period of time.

Think of it as the diminishing returns of porn: the more you watch a movie, or look at a picture, or read a story, the less hot it is. Are you really going to be able to jack it to that fuck scene or come shot or oh face day after day, week after week, month after month, without it getting stale?

When it comes to porn, even the best of the best is meant as a brief pleasure, not an every day staple of your masturbatory routine.

Those people are old now. Ever find yourself crushing on a movie star from the sixties or seventies, only to realize that that person is now somebody’s grandpa? Yeah. In the words of Boinkology Creative Director Richard Blakeley, “Watching porn from the 70′s… now they are all as old as your mom/dad. And that is g-ross.”

And thinking about your parents when you’re jacking it is just not sexy at all.

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Comments

  • frank says :

    At least some of the older porn had a story line to follow however silly they may have been. I miss the extended foreplay lacking in todays productions.
    Can you recommend any soft porn or old drive-in films that may have extended foreplay…..panty play,….anything?

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