November 12, 2007
Living Apart, Together!

Here at Boinkology HQ, we’re all for nontraditional relationships. Or, to put it more accurately, we’re all for successful relationships, regardless of whether or not they fall into the the traditional model of cohabitating, heterosexual monogamy.

So needless to say, we were pretty intrigued by the story of Judith Newman and her husband John, a couple who — even after fourteen years of marriage and the birth of two kids — have never lived together. As Newman explains in her piece, it’s not that they have a rocky relationship, or that they’re nonmonogamous, rather, it’s simply that they “have nothing in common except that we love each other and our sons.” Rather than compromise and blend their radically different living styles, they’ve simply chosen to go it alone, together.

There’s a lot of good that can come out of cohabitation — increased intimacy, cheaper living expenses, and more time for lovin’ are just a few of the benefits that come to mind — but it can also require a lot of sacrifice. If a couple can survive, and even thrive, in separate living spaces, why should they give up their freedom and happiness just to live like everyone else?

That said: though we appreciate and respect Newman’s lifestyle choice, some of her logic does seem a little odd. She’s glad she doesn’t live with her husband because it means she’s never walked in on him in the bathroom, or seen him clip his toenails? What? We’d like to think our partners would be well-adjusted enough to handle the knowledge that, yeah, we all have bodies, and bodily functions. Call us crazy, but a few toenail clippings was never enough to kill our libido.

[Via Amber Rhea, photo by headlouse]

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  • Conrad says :

    I too can understand that she may in fact love her husband, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone perfectly suited that she could live with and love out there. There is more than one person for everyone on this planet.

  • irenekaoru says :

    From the article: John and I figure we’re in good company. Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera lived apart, as did Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir.

    Aren’t those two notoriously unstable, dysfunctional couples? Wasn’t Diego Rivera abusive? Didn’t Both Rivera and Sartre have many other lovers and leave much heartbreak in their wakes? Not the unions I would want to base my marriage on……

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