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December 27, 2007
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So You Want to Direct a Porno…

Ever dreamed of directing a porno? Sure, who hasn’t?

But be warned: glamorous as the world of porno seems, it’s not all come shots and double penetration. Making a porn means a lot of work — and a lot of difficult decisions. Before you get to the fun part (by which we mean: watching people do it), you’ll have to get through paper work, planning, and all sorts of unsexy preparation. Oh, and you’ll have to figure out what kind of movie you want to make, too.

Will your porno be straight or gay? Hardcore or softcore? Gonzo or plot driven? There are a lot of factors to consider, and a lot of things to decide. To simplify matters, we’ve put together a little questionnaire for aspiring porn directors. Just work your way through these 5 simple questions, and you’ll be well on your way to porno riches — or at least porno gas money.

1) What genre of porn will you make?
a) straight
b) gay
c) bisexual

2) What kind of cast will you have?
a) professional porn star (ex: “Jenna Loves Justin Again“)
b) β€œalt” (ex: “Joanna’s Angels“)
c) amateur (ex: “The Bi Apple“)

3) Will your movie have a plot?
a) Yes.
b) No. (Skip to question 5.)

4) What kind of plot will your movie have?
a) Minimal – just enough to tie the fucking together.
b) Extensive – an actual storyline, with fucking artfully inserted in places that make sense.

5) What kind of sex will your movie have?
a) Loving, gentle, sweet sex.
b) Fast paced, fun fucking.
c) Degrading, super dirty, heavily kinky sex.

Got all that? Good. Once you’ve decided on the type of movie — be it an alt-gay hardcore art porn or a softcore amateur bisexual gonzo love fest — you’ve gotten through the hardest part of the process. Now you just have to find a cast… and get all their paperwork done… and get a crew… and shoot the film… and edit the film…

But hey: at least you know what type of movie you’re making!

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