There were so many good entries to our Bi Any Other Name contest — who knew that bi porn could inspire such creativity?

Well, we did — that’s why we had this contest, after all. Even so, we were still impressed by the quality of the entries we received. In a way, everyone who entered this contest is a winner.

But in another, more important way, Seth is the winner. Keep reading for his winning titles — and all the excellent runners up and honorable mentions.

Seth:

Bi-lateral agreement: The hot and horny members of the United Nations show us that they can
all get along!

With Kofi Anonymous!

Bicentennial: It’s that 70s orgy… 1976 and everyone is doing everyone… lots of red white and blue, but no blue balls.

Magnum B.I.: Your favorite hawaiian shirted detective with the porn mustache takes on not only Higgens but all the beautiful babes too!

Buy More: The clerks at a wal-martish bi(g) box store chain service each other: WELCOME TO BUY MORE!

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Runners Up

Jonathan:

Bi-dgoszcz: A movie starring the kind of guys you can only find in northern Poland.

Let Bi-gones be Bi-gones: A touching tale of reconciliation.

Coronary Bi-Pass: It seems that women aren’t the only way into your heart!

The Education of Lord Bi-ron: Early 19th century erotic historical fiction depicting Lord Byron’s relationship with Nicolò Giraud, although you’d have to make the boy older than 15. Byron teaches the boy how to please a woman, though, in the end, they all help each other out.

Sebastian:

How do you bring him out of the closet? Bi Any Means Necessary.

Does he make it out alive? Bi the Skin of His Teeth.

Starring Richard Dry-fuss and Marsha Matron? The Good-Bi Girl.

Downloading pr0n? Bit Bi Bit.

Straight, then curious, then gay? The BiCycle.

Stealing his cherry? Bi Hook or Bi Crook.

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Honorable Mentions:

Jason:

Surely you caught this one on late-night cable*: it had a really hot threesome scene with a hooker. Bi One Get One Free.

*not really

Stefan:

Bi Centennial: Centenarians get together and wonder why they waited until they were 100 to explore their bi-nature.

Bi Cameral: Legeslators get it on on the floor of the Senate and House. For added punnery, many are taking photos (Camera l)

Improbable:

Am-Bi-Valent: The story of a boy who just couldn’t decide!

A Rose Bi Any Other Name: freely adapted from “The Most Excellent and Lamentable Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet” by the greatest bisexual writer in the English language, William Shakespeare. [Ed. Improbable included a very lengthy description of this movie's plot, which we had to cut to save space. Anyone wishing to read it should email us.]

Xorn Smith:

Bi-zantium!

What happens when you mix the decadence of Rome with Greek concepts of sexuality?

An Empire of Love.

Bi-zantium! is the untold story of the curious young emperor Constantine who ends up converting to much more than Christianity. With his precocious co-emperor, Licinius, as guide, Constantine embarks on an erotic journey of exploration and self-discovery that rocks the Dardanelles and splits the Bosporus.

Follow the young emperor on his maiden voyage with Licinius to the forbidden Isle of Lesbos where they pillage for concubines to staff their new capital city — Constantino-pole!

See Constantine mete out punishment to the rebellious Maxentius in one of the hottest M/m OTK scenes ever filmed!

Thrill to Constantine’s E-dick of Milan that not only ends the persecution of Christians but shows them there’s nothing wrong with hot, extended ATM action!

Gape in wonder as Constantine and his merry court convene a Council of Nicea like you’ve never seen before in the all-out gonzo finale!

And, of course, there’s plenty of Greek throughout.

Bi-zantium! There’s nothing Orthodox about it!

Richard Blakeley: [Ed. As a staff member, Blakeley was not actually eligible to win. He entered anyway.]

Bi meets beastiality in Richard Blakeley’s newest production Bi Bi Birdie.

Patrick:

Bi Bi Black Sheep - Married African American men keep their exploits in ATL on the DL.

The Biplane Squadron - flyboys in World War I learn a whole new set of tactics when “Tailgunner” Smith joins their outfit.

Pee Wee’s Bi Top Adventures - Documentary: Paul Rubens displays his collection of adolescent male nude daguerreotypes.

Little Bi Man - An Indian fighter in the Old West buries the hatchet when he encounters two young Indian braves.

Katje:

Well, there’s those adventurous bakers rolling around in The Apple Bi… beatings and whippings amid the flours!

The story of a virtuous Southern girl who trades in her tidy corset for racy leather gear, brazenly informing the world of her moral failings and multiple flings: The Bi Belle Belt

Alan:

IN THE SWEET BI AND BI - the madcap erotic antics of the preacher’s son and his best buddy.

Isil:

The King has Fallen: Bi Plane Pilots in their Dirtiest Hour.

Plot summary:

King Kong is dead. So are 5 members of the elite biplane squad known as the “Skull Swingers”.

Will Captain Kisters ever get over his inner demons of grief and senseless blame?

Noone can tell, but in the meantime a private debriefing party is being organized in the special turkishbath barrack by unit´s noncoms to honour the fallen in full Skull Swinger fashion.

Few of the surviving gunners recognized the flowing dress silloutte cut against the full moon when the barracks door suddenly burst open.

Even fewer survived… Ann Darrow´s revenge!.

FILED UNDER : Bi Any Other Name, Contest