The friend zone: one of the most frustrating aspects of human interaction you could ever experience — and once you’re there, it’s nearly impossible to return. Today I’ll attempt to answer some difficult questions about it and offer a few tips to help you stay away from it completely.
What is the friend zone?
The friend zone (or friendship zone) is a folk psychology concept found in many texts geared towards a male audience about “dating advice,” or “seduction advice.” In this situation, a man is mentally categorized by a lady love interest as a “friend” rather than a lover, i.e. put into the friend zone. (via Wikipedia)
Can girls be placed in the friend zone too?
Absolutely! Be careful what you say, ladies. Men are sometimes scared off by some of the bat shit insane stuff that occasionally spills from your mouths. Unfortunately (for me, at least), I love crazy girls — but even some of those have been so crazy that I’ve had to place them in the friend zone. Sometimes, even a quick hookup just isn’t be worth it in the long run.
[Ed. It also happens to the gays! And the lesbians! And the... everyone!]
How did I ever get here?
It’s not just guys who are looking for a little action for a limited time only. There is a natural progression in relationships that states if you’re going to be seeing each other for more than a couple of weeks straight, someone will start to ask themselves what you’re doing and what this all means. At that point the person who was just wanted to fool around has to back off. Remember, in most relationships, especially in the beginning, one person always likes the other more or less than the other.
But why me?
Chances are he or she doesn’t see you as being assertive or attractive enough to consider to date you. It’s also possible that you have unknowingly have become the nice guy that wasn’t. Either way it doesn’t matter why, you shouldn’t want to be with someone who really doesn’t want to be with you anyway.
Can I ever get out?
Not likely. The best chances of getting out of the friend zone include suddenly becoming extremely wealthy overnight, having sex with one of their close friends (It worked for Ross on Friends!), and/or getting to the point where you clearly don’t care one way or another.
How can I stay away from the friend zone completely?
Nothing is sexier than self confidence mixed with being yourself and having a good time. If you get stuck in the friend zone and you really do like the person, try to just be friends. Who knows — they could turn out to be the best friend you ever had.
Whatever you do, don’t be bitter about them not liking you like that. If you find yourself doing this, you may only want to be with them because you like them like that, not because you actually care for them. Either way, you have to accept it completely or simply move on to someone else.
I hope that I’ve helped guide you though the basics of the friend zone. If you’re currently in it, my heart goes out to you. I think we’ve all been there before. And before I leave you, check out this hilarious trailer for The Friend Zone by Green Bench Productions.
Have you ever found yourself caught in the friend zone? Or have you ever had to put someone into the friend zone yourself?
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Comments
Hmm… oddly enough, I’ve slept with… five of my closest women friends, and now I am in a relationship with the boss of one of those ladies. Hmm… I suppose I should count that as six, right?
I think the trick is to just have a large penis, really. Of course… prior to being in a relationship, I was utterly alone for years, with random breaks of drunken party sex with my dearest women friends… so my life is not all rose petals and peach buds…
April 14th, 2008 at 10:12 amLovely guide (couldnt agree more with crazy chicks part)
Relationships are like WW2 dogfighting, advantage goes to whoever spots their prey first, whoevers higher and faster.
If you miss your shot, bleed all of your energy into cumbersome maneuvers or dont check your 6´s you ll soon find yourself in the Friend Zone.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:28 pmYou know what I have always found really attractive? Men who view women as people and are capable of actually being friends with women, instead of always seeing my friendship as less valuable than a blowjob. Men who complain about getting stuck in the “friend zone” are almost always Nice Guys (TM). Pretending to want to be a woman’s friend because you’re too scared to ask her on a date, only to stew with resentment about how she then isn’t dating you? Classic insincere Nice Guy behavior.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:34 pmIRENE: I agree, that’s what I was kind of trying to say, you said it better though. Basically when I find myself getting upset about it I just think, woah, I don’t want to be this persons friend at all, let alone date them. Make Sense?
April 14th, 2008 at 1:36 pmOh, Richard Blakeley, where were you when I was 16?
If only there was some way to send you back in time, you could’ve saved me so much pain.
Of course, like most time travelers, you’d probably arrive in the past naked.
There wouldn’t be much time before you were inevitably killed by your enemies from the future, but in those few hours together, we would love a lifetime’s worth.
And help educate my younger self on the dangers and pitfalls of the “friend zone,” thereby preventing numerous painful relationships, multiple embarrassing drunk dialing episodes, and several unfortunate emails on my part.
Let Lux have her Anomie, Richard, you’re my Kyle Reese.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:53 pmIrene:
Who would want to be your friend if they can enjoy everything you have to offer as one, plus a nice relaxing BJ?
April 14th, 2008 at 2:05 pmISIL: Yeah, seriously!
April 14th, 2008 at 4:29 pmXORN: If I traveled back in time and became younger I would be no better off than you were at 16… I only have learned this through trial and error, but mostly error…
April 14th, 2008 at 4:34 pmISIL: You’re probably just asking that question to be “funny” but in case you’re serious…. If you genuinely want to be someone’s friend, you don’t mislead them regarding your real feelings/intentions. That’s dishonest, not friendly.
April 14th, 2008 at 5:49 pmIrene: im as serious as it gets.
Maybe i didnt express myself correctly; im not talking about mislead intentions, im pointing to bottonline real intentions.
From my pov, in this scenario (free willing social interactions) noone (yeah, sucky generalizations) wants to be just friends with you. If they talk to you, they want a piece of you (or money, or connections, ie human selfishyness). If afterwards something else comes along and it ends up in a cozy friendship, thats lovely and oh so fullfilling.
But deep inside, almost every guys who came up to you would never ever turn down some action. Because, deep inside, thats what they craved for from the very begginning.
Thats whats im saying, back to the old “is friendship posible?” dilemma. Theres , stadistically, no such thing as a genuine friendly approach.
I might be a tad paranoid and pessimist, but everytime someone tries to be “just your friend”, you should double check. For every Nice Guy there is a Naive Girl out there.
So, when i say i would almost everytime have a ladyfriend whom i can also enjoy sexual thingies with, and most guys i know, seen, talked to or heard of pretty much feel/act the same way; im being honest. not misleading, but probably a “funny” question wasnt the best way to portray it.
Thats why Richard´s post is so fantastic, its about helping guys get what they “really” want or face the frustration of not getting it without wasting time/resources, misleading and hurting other parties involved.
April 14th, 2008 at 6:13 pmISIL: Awww, thank you!
April 14th, 2008 at 7:07 pmTheres, stadistically, no such thing as a genuine friendly approach.
Freudian slip says it all…well, almost.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:24 pmWithoutscene, theres no slip at all. I never take the “friendly approach”, ive tried for years to stick to Richard´s be assertive, be yourself , dont fool others by not fooling yourself line of thought; because i do not find it effective, let alone genuine.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:15 pmi prefer for people to put me in their friendzone. i’d much rather have a crush on someone who didn’t want to date me than the other way around!
April 17th, 2008 at 12:50 amI’m 64 and married now, but during my four decades of single life, I often had friends who became lovers and lovers (and an ex-husband) who became friends. I think the key is honest communication (as cliche as that sounds) all the way through the relationship, and making decisions together about whether or not to become/remain sexual. It can be done, and the friendship can — with nurturing — deepen rather than disintegrate after being lovers.
Joan Price
Author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty (Seal Press, 2006, http://www.joanprice.com/BetterThanExpected.htm )
Join us — we’re talking about ageless sexuality at http://www.betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com
April 21st, 2008 at 2:37 pmLeave a reply :