Is The Term “Baby” Derogatory?
On occasion, I’ve been known to refer to girls as “chicks.” Most of the time it’s meant as a joke (and the rest of the time, it’s because I wanted to piss off someone I knew would be offended by it). But in modern dating do outdated terms like baby, chick, and sweetie really work?
“Baby” was also the signature term of George Costanza on Seinfeld. Which, come to think of it, could very well explain why it was always so difficult for him to get some.
Do chicks really like to be called things like “baby” and “sweetie”?
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i only like it when older women say it to me, whether or not they are attracted to girls. some men can say it, but some really just can’t. if there is any question in your mind, don’t say it.
May 1st, 2008 at 2:46 pmI call em doll and they seem to like that for some reason.
May 1st, 2008 at 4:26 pmAL: Oh yes, that’s nice! I forgot about it going the other way.
JOHNNY: I never tried doll but I don’t think I could pull it off…
May 1st, 2008 at 4:40 pmSounds like you even call grown women “girls” sometimes
May 1st, 2008 at 5:11 pmI call thirty-eight year old men boys!
May 1st, 2008 at 5:19 pmI always say doll or dollface to men, women, whatever.
Babe is fine as long as it’s said affectionately and not in a skeezy way. Baby is way harder to pull off.
Chick annoys me, because it’s usually some guy who thinks he’s much hotter than he is saying something like “there were hot chicks allllll over me” … yeah right, buster.
May 1st, 2008 at 6:29 pmdoll works if you have the style to pull it off. but works best if your goal is a one-night-stand. it is not something to call a significant other. baby, on the other hand, is just the opposite.
i would argue that men shouldn’t call women pet names unless the woman starts the trend. we name things we want to control and own. given the current gender dynamic, a man calling a woman by any pet name can be seen as an attempt to control, demean, or own - or at the least, it mimimizes her as a person. this is also why it is more acceptable for lux to refer to men as ‘boys’ but less acceptable for richard to refer to women as ‘girls’. everything has to be considered within existing power structures.
but, again, this depersonalization is great for one-night-stands, if you can pull it off in a way that doesn’t sound misogynist. cuz misogyny just doesn’t scream “hey, i’m awesome in the sack!”
May 1st, 2008 at 6:48 pmApparently you don’t spend much time in various parts of New England where ‘chick’ is the female gendered equivalent to ‘dude’ and only annoying people get annoyed by it.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:51 pmAh, New England. So that’s why it bothers me ; )
May 2nd, 2008 at 7:19 amWhen in doubt, check with the masters.
Seinfeld rules.
So does (or used to) The Simpsons.
Bart: “So, you’re one of those don’t call me a chick, chicks eh?”
If both George AND Bart dig it; how can we ever dare to even poise the question? How?
May 2nd, 2008 at 8:23 amtotally annoying when a man does it but totally hot when the stripper says it wall she is dancing for you.
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:29 pmi really don’t mind sweetie. it just bothers me a little if “baby” = all the women in his life including daughters and stepdaughters
May 3rd, 2008 at 4:00 amnow that i’m thinking about it, the thing i don’t like is if it’s a sexual thing from a man. if it’s an old man and he sees me and calls me dear or sweetie or something and i get the impression it’s because i’m a daughter type person to him, that’s ok. but if it feels like he wants to have sex with me, it’s not so cool.
May 3rd, 2008 at 10:27 am@ al oof: That makes sense, and I wonder if it has more to do with the status/power difference rather than a difference in sexual innuendo. An old man, due to his age, has some measure of status/power over you (as you support with the statement that you’re a daughter-type person to him). However, you are probably more interested in your sexual partners being your equal. Calling you dear or sweetie implies otherwise.
May 3rd, 2008 at 10:42 amWhat’s interesting is a couple of years back I happened to look at one of those 1950’s women’s and men’s place together type books (don’t remember title but those were pretty common place anyway) and there was this line that stated something like this: to a woman “he calls you baby because he thinks of you as a child and thus he asserts his dominance and control” kinda stuck with me, i don’t think i’ve ever called someone baby or babe or anything like that since then as I can barely run my own life let alone run someone else’s.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:15 amI take exception to “girl” because, in my head, “girl” is a very specific type of female and I don’t fully identify as female anyway. I get upset at “girl” and “lady” and “chick” used for me, but if the person being described as such really *is* the type of female that I equate with those words, it’s not insulting, it’s descriptive.
To me, a “girl” is, well, girly. She likes dresses and pretty things and doesn’t want to get her hands dirty and can’t open her own doors or carry her own suitcases. Oh, and she likes pink and flowers. A lady is more of the same, but older. A girl needs to be taken care of and a lady doesn’t *need* to be taken care of like a child, but demands to be taken care of like a “queen”, put on a pedastal, worshipped.
For neither one can anyone use foul language in front of, roughhouse with, or expect to be independent.
I realize this is my own personal bias, but I do take the opportunity anytime someone mentions it to educate them on the more subtle forms of discrimination. For example, I am usually called a “lady” in the context of “watch your language, there are ladies present!” and that’s actually a form of discrimination - against men, believe it or not, but in my industry it’s discrimination against women too. Discrimination hurts everyone, not just the group being discriminated against.
I do not identify as a woman, I identify as male with female parts, so that probably contributes to my dislike of those terms.
But baby, sweetie, sweetheart, honey, etc. are all part and parcel of living in the south. It used to irritate me from strangers, but I got used to it simply from indoctrination. From partners, I like all those kinds of nicknames except baby. I used to hate baby because my second fiance used it and I have such bad associations that I couldn’t stand hearing it from anyone after him. But time and reason has cooled my temper on that one and now I actually like it again from my partners. Terms of affection are, well, affectionate, but I *really* like hearing my name, because that’s uniquely *me*.
It’s contextual. If the person the nickname is being applied to fits that nickname, it’s not insulting. If it’s meant as a term of affection with no condescention, possessiveness, depersonalization, etc., it’s not insulting.
But if it has implications, whether the giver of the name realizes it or not, those implications can be insulting. Being condescending or using the term to differentiate between an entire gender (which is discrimination because of the subtle and longer-reaching societal implications) is insulting.
June 26th, 2008 at 12:36 pmLeave a reply :