May 16, 2008
Musings on Hayden’s Hula Hoop and Hermione’s 18th Birthday

SUBMITTED BY XORN SMITH: After reading about Hugh Hefner’s take on Miley Cyrus, I started thinking about an evening in 2001. I’d just left the Metroplex after seeing the first Harry Potter film, and I was discussing it with one of my best friend’s when I offered what I thought was an innocuous, off-hand comment. “And,” I said, “that actress who plays Hermione…you can tell she’s really going to be something in about ten years.”

Now, my friend knows me well enough to know that by “something” I wasn’t referring to her potential as an actress. So my buddy — who is otherwise rather wordly and extremely open-minded about all things sexual (maybe even more than me) — looked at me as if I just said I’d spent the previous night banging a dead goat.

“That’s screwed up,” is all he said. And then there was a long, awkward silence. We eventually talked it out and the comment became kind of a running joke between us… but not entirely. I still have the feeling that there’s about 5 percent of him that’s creeped out by what I said.

The thing is, I’ve never been one of those guys who was big into the “barely legal” thing. If anything my tastes run more toward the cougarific or at least my own age. Hell, I was the only guy in my circle who wasn’t into Britney Spears during her “Ooops-I-did-it-again” schoolgirl phase. I finally started warming towards her about the time the Slave4U video came out, but by then, of course, she already had one foot on the banana peel of crotchless insanity.

It turns out the actress in question, Emma Watson, actually turned 18 last month. If the pics on her IMDB page are any indication, she could still use another five to seven years of seasoning before she enters my masturbatory rolodex. But does indicating an interest in her at age 11 — even a passing one focused on her potential a decade later — make me a pervert or, worse, the P-word That Dare Not Be Named?

Here’s another question: how much difference does a couple years make? I find the “controversy” over Miley Cyrus’s benign photos to be bizarre — yet I seem to be the only male on the planet who was a bit put off by the hula-hoop-and-teddy-bear pictures that 18-year old Hayden Panettiere did for GQ after they named the teenager their “Obsession of the Year.”

So, my fellow students of Boinkology, where is the line? And did I cross it seven years ago with my comments regarding Ms. Watson?

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  • secondlastwish says :

    You’re a total perv.

    I find it amusing that you found a glimmer of potential under all those black robes…I can’t think of a young actress who is LESS sexualized than Hermione.

  • Lux Alptraum says :

    Well, we all have our types — and one doesn’t have to be sexualized to be attractive.

  • secondlastwish says :

    Agreed, good point.

    I personally think young girls are being sexualized at younger ages and that plays into some of the phenomenon described. Not entirely, but part of it – hence the comment about the robes.

    I was kidding about the perv thing by the way, that probably wasn’t clear and I sound like an asshole. Thoughts and fantasies are different from actions in my opinion.

  • Arrow B says :

    I think your comment was perfectly normal. I’ve done the same thing in the past (i’m a woman if that matters at all)..certainly didn’t mean I found the underaged actor even remotely sexually attractive – quite the contrary. I’m guessing your “open minded” friend has thought the same thing at some point but was afriad of looking like a perv by saying it out loud.

  • Mona says :

    Whenever my fiancee talks about his ex-wife’s niece, who’s now 12, he says things like, “She’s gorgeous,” or “She’s going to grow up to be a stunner.”

    It really, really creeps me out. Particularly since I’m 15 years younger than he is. I think it’s probably in male human nature to see breeding potential in all women/girls above a certain level of attractiveness, but that doesn’t make it right.

  • wring says :

    AnnaSophia Robb. That little girl is gonna be smokin in a few years.

  • Lux Alptraum says :

    Out of curiousity: if Xorn had been a woman (or hey, a man) who commented about how Daniel Radcliffe was going to be a heartbreaker in a few years, would that be weird?

  • Mona says :

    Yes, it would be equally creepy.


    Mm… No, I believe it really wouldn’t be creepy to the vast majority of people. I think you just don’t want to concede a point. We have a societal concept that men are in general more likely to be pedophiles or perverts (and rightly so, I believe.)

    But I mean, really, come on. Recognizing that a pre-teen is going to probably develop into a handsome/beautiful adult is not perverted. Even as a parent I know that my daughter is going to be a gorgeous young woman some day. There’s nothing inherently inappropriate about recognizing that a child is going to become an attractive adult. What would be perverted is if one were to fantasize or have lewd thoughts about Hermoine or any other underaged girl or boy, or make sexual comments about the person. Yes, I believe thoughts can be just as dangerous as actions. They’re the root and the beginning.

  • Agent47 says :

    What one thinks is the appropriate age to do things is what one was was trained to think. The age of consent in Madagascar is 21, so a nude 18 year old there would be like a nude 15 year old here. More states have the age of consent at 16 than 18, yet 18 is the agreed upon age to be in porn. Age to smoke and drink in Japan is both 20, here it’s 18 and 21. It’s arbitrary.


    Age of consent in British Columbia, Canada, is 14! (Too young in my opinion.)

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Lux Alptraum
Monica Shores