SUBMITTED BY XORN SMITH: After reading about Hugh Hefner’s take on Miley Cyrus, I started thinking about an evening in 2001. I’d just left the Metroplex after seeing the first Harry Potter film, and I was discussing it with one of my best friend’s when I offered what I thought was an innocuous, off-hand comment. “And,” I said, “that actress who plays Hermione…you can tell she’s really going to be something in about ten years.”
Now, my friend knows me well enough to know that by “something” I wasn’t referring to her potential as an actress. So my buddy — who is otherwise rather wordly and extremely open-minded about all things sexual (maybe even more than me) — looked at me as if I just said I’d spent the previous night banging a dead goat.
“That’s screwed up,” is all he said. And then there was a long, awkward silence. We eventually talked it out and the comment became kind of a running joke between us… but not entirely. I still have the feeling that there’s about 5 percent of him that’s creeped out by what I said.
The thing is, I’ve never been one of those guys who was big into the “barely legal” thing. If anything my tastes run more toward the cougarific or at least my own age. Hell, I was the only guy in my circle who wasn’t into Britney Spears during her “Ooops-I-did-it-again” schoolgirl phase. I finally started warming towards her about the time the Slave4U video came out, but by then, of course, she already had one foot on the banana peel of crotchless insanity.
It turns out the actress in question, Emma Watson, actually turned 18 last month. If the pics on her IMDB page are any indication, she could still use another five to seven years of seasoning before she enters my masturbatory rolodex. But does indicating an interest in her at age 11 — even a passing one focused on her potential a decade later — make me a pervert or, worse, the P-word That Dare Not Be Named?
Here’s another question: how much difference does a couple years make? I find the “controversy” over Miley Cyrus’s benign photos to be bizarre — yet I seem to be the only male on the planet who was a bit put off by the hula-hoop-and-teddy-bear pictures that 18-year old Hayden Panettiere did for GQ after they named the teenager their “Obsession of the Year.”
So, my fellow students of Boinkology, where is the line? And did I cross it seven years ago with my comments regarding Ms. Watson?