Comments

• Dave G says :

  I’d like to dispute that, but, unfortunately it’s pretty much true.

  Looking for a meaningful, good, long term relationship? Good luck ladies.

  But looking to get laid and have some fun? If you make the cut as a “reasonably attractive and intelligent girl” then the ball is in your court. Most (not all) single guys aren’t that complicated or that discerning. If you’re not getting laid you’re either not willing to set reasonable standards (for sex, not for a relationship where you do want to hold out for the right guy), you’re not willing to pay the possible emotional toll of casual sex, or you’re over complicating the issue.

  And practice makes perfect – if you don’t find the right guy for getting laid on the first try, well, try, try again. You have the luxury of shopping around (though you’ll probably want to be discrete to avoid judgement).

  May 29th, 2008 at 10:10 am
• Some Schmoe says :

  Actually if you take a basic course on evolutionary biology, you will learn that in species or populations that have sexually selective reproduction (meaning that members of the opposite sex are selective when it comes to mating instead if it being totally random), the sex that requires the greatest amount of energy and resources per offspring naturally evolves to be the “selector” of mates.

  This is true for humans as well, as women require far more energy and care then men do per baby produced. Therefore, women have evolved to be the ones that ultimately make the decision about who to “let in” so to speak, which puts women at a significant advantage when it comes to being laid.

  The scientific mumbo jumbo aside, anybody who’s out there knows this anyway. It is far more difficult for men to get sex than it is for women, as all a woman has to do is put herself out there and say “yes” to one of numerous attempts to hook up with her. Men, on the other hand, usually have to make the first move, have to steer things into creating the right vibe, and ultimately seduce her. Notice the discrepancy in the prevalence of women as opposed to (strait) men in prostitution. Many, many more men have to pay to get sex than women do.

  You ladies got it REAL easy when it comes to finding sex, so I dont want to hear any more bullshit about how hard it is for YOU to get laid. It isnt. Even fatties can get it relatively easily if they hang out in bars that cater to dudes who are into that kind of thing (there are plenty believe me). If you, as a woman who isnt horribly disfigured and grostesque in every imaginable way, find it difficult to get some, you are DOING IT WRONG. REALLY, REALLY WRONG. You might have some serious personality issues that need to be brought to your attention. Or you need to leave the house and actually put yourself in a situation that has men available. Stop complaining.

  May 29th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
• figleaf says :

  Actually my first, second, and third-hand experience is that it’s a bit of a myth that men have a hard time and that women “could always” find a partner. The key, I think, is your point about standards and what, exactly, constitutes “reasonably attractive and intelligent.” And the blocks aren’t necessarily the stereotypical ones: classic eye-hurting beautiful men often feel too self-conscious about something else to ask anyone out, and often eye-hurtingly beautiful women never get asked out because (unless they’re jerks, which would be Problem B) guys assume they just have to have giant neck-breaking boyfriends in the background.

  On the other hand, of course, the reasons often *are* stereotypical where women are supposed to conform to height/weight/Prada-shoe beauty-trap standards, men are supposed to conform to the job/car/devil-may-car standards of the worthiness trap. And everyone’s supposed to agree that sex should be a bit scarce that men can gain status by getting and women can gain it by holding back.

  Actually I think a year or so ago there was an article about a down-state New York college where, the story went, women outnumbered men just enough that men discovered that in fact they *wouldn’t* say yes to just anyone and women discovered they couldn’t assume men would say yes if they asked. The point being that *a lot* of what we’re raised to believe about who can and can’t “get laid” if they “really wanted to” and were “willing to lower their standards enough” are more gender-constructed than real.

  And… ok, actually, you know what I think is the trick with “standards” in the phrase “lower your standards enough?” I think the problem is that when we say it we’re talking about not *our* standards but *off-the-shelf* standards that we haven’t necessarily done much to customize. *Except,* of course, in terms of “lowering” them to meet… ok, reality, sure, but even *that’s* a construction. Check out, for instance, those side-by-side photos of Clive Owen, one made up, lit, and photoshopped baby smooth and the other still craggy-handsome but far less idealized with wrinkles, pores, and other normal characteristics of an actual human face. The point being that if all we knew (and that’s all a *lot* of, especially, younger people know) is the idealized Owen face then one would have to be “lowering one’s standards” to hook up *with the actual Clive Owen!* Let alone the other mere mortals we meet after work.

  Anyway, this is getting long and jumbled because I’m trying to make two points at the same time, but *if* everyone tried to test the “women could get laid if they tried hard enough” theory almost *everybody* would discover it was more complicated than they thought. Especially if they all tried it without questioning their assumptions about standards and, especially, making the mistake that adjusting ones standards to meet reality equals “settling.”

  Cool question, Lux

  May 29th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
• Sunshine Steve says :

  It’s pretty well established that women have a much easier time getting laid. Is it more complicated than that on a case by case basis? Of course. But for the most part, a guy has to have a confident, charming personality and obvious sexuality about him, and a girl needs only willingness and standards low enough to reflect her attractiveness (there ain’t no love for the fatties of the world, sad to say). In the dating field there is vast pressure on men to behave in a dominant fashion that remains essentially respectful– very few other types of guys can get anywhere near as many partners as that top 10% of good-looking, intelligent, sexually aggressive men. It is absolutely true that 10% of men are having 90% of the casual sex in this country.

  The fact is that it’s easy for certain men to have as many partners as they want, but only if you’re willing to behave according to certain patterns. Most guys? Not so much.

  Guys are easy. Not every guy every day, but statistically speaking, women have a much easier time finding as much or as little sex as they want. I don’t see things changing much any time soon as far as that goes.

  Finding someone you really want to date exclusively who wants to date you exclusively, that’s just plain hard for everybody.

  One thing that bothers me is how thicker women (overweight as opposed to obese) are nonexistent in the media and frequently, subsequently have low self-esteem, yet are seriously hot, every bit as hot when they learn how to behave and dress sexy. That’s not just for me, but for most guys. Don’t believe the media hype.

  May 29th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
• al oof says :

  ha, i’d like to see these “statistics” people keep citing.

  the assumption is women have standards and men don’t. men need ‘low enough’ standards also, we just constantly work under the assumption that they do.

  June 4th, 2008 at 2:27 am
• johnny "k" says :

  I don’t ever hardly get sex with women. I’m still single and I’m 44 years old. I’ve tried it all: dating sites, hitting on women at bars, adult friendfinder.com, you name it. I got to all the “hip” public functions but can’t find anyone to hang out with beyond a conversation. I have virtually no social life at this point and I’m not bad looking at all, not fat, am artistic, creative and thoughtful. I talk to every woman I get a chance to: in supermarkets, stores, friends of acquaintances. However I do have some basic “standards”. I’m looking for someone half descent looking (age doesn’t even matter anymore) who can carry on a conversation, seems somewhat interested and engaged in the world, and is not a flake. I’m sick of looking at this point… I’m so discouraged and jaded. I’ve projected confidence and optimism for years, but still nothing long term and if I do get laid it’s like every 3 years or so. I’m wondering what’s wrong with me (?) Maybe I just don’t have “it”, whatever “it” is supposed to be, I don’t know. I’ve tried being other people for so long and using every angle without any success, that I just throw up my hands and go back to “being myself”. I realize that I’m a great catch of a man and like myself more than ever, but that doesn’t seem to change anything. Now I’m getting old and my penis will soon fall off, so I guess I have to accept that I’m romantically doomed. What else can I do? It’s very frustrating and pathetic. I’m starting to think I’m too much of a real person and that women are all idiots. I don’t want to believe this, but the facts seem to bare it out. I’ve thought of “going gay” but I’m just not attracted to men (if I could I would at this point). I’m just a sad, sorry case. At least I can still spank the monkey.

  January 11th, 2009 at 6:27 am

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