We’re no strangers to odd sex euphemisms (bumping uglies, anyone?). The thing about most sex euphemisms is that — weird as they may be — they usually make sense. See, with bumping uglies, it’s that some people think that genitals are ugly, and when you’re doing it you “bump” your genitals against someone else’s –
Yeah. So, that said, the other day we discovered what has to be the strangest euphemism for a sex act ever. Because not only does it sound weird — it doesn’t even make sense.
From the pages of The Frisky, we bring you “playing the trumpet of fleshy delights.”
Now, you’re probably thinking that that isn’t so weird, right? Like, it’s probably a euphemism for giving a blowjob. But that’s where you’d be wrong, kids. Because the trumpet of fleshy delights is apparently a vulva (and yes, the playing in question refers to oral sex).
We’re sort of wondering if maybe this is referring to some resemblance between the vaginal opening and the mouthpiece of a trumpet — but, you know, even if that is the case, it still doesn’t make much sense. Seriously, what?
Next time you want to come up with some witty sex phrase, try harder.
[Photo by poagao]
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That’s gross.
June 10th, 2008 at 9:57 amI have an interest in Victorian literary porn, and is that stuff ever loaded with weird euphemisms:
“riding a St. George” = woman on top (from old religious icons of St. George atop a fire breathing dragon, which is awfully complimentary of the penis)
“gamahuche” = to perform cunnilingus or, less frequently, fellatio.
“the cauliflower” = vulva (WTF???? Obviously named by a man who had never looked under the hood, so to speak.)
June 10th, 2008 at 10:35 pmmy personal favorite is flogging the bishop.
george carlin has a “dirty laundry” list of just about every single *dirty word* term you and every other tom, dick, and phi delta sigma omega household can think of…
palming the five sisters was also another good one. my ex in high school would use that one with his buddies.
both are about male masturbation, but i heard those terms more often than anything else… men have always had the most imaginative thoughts when you put them in a room or anywhere else together and bring up the topic of sex.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:44 pmI like the “delights” part. I think I will start employing the phrase “delightful bits”. That’s a euphemism I can get down with.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:33 pmLeave a reply :