July 7, 2008
Don’t Talk To Me Like You Know Me

Maybe you like the way they dress, their accent, the way they carry themselves, or maybe it’s just because they play drums in a band. One thing is for sure though, meeting a new potential love interest is always exciting because you know hardly anything about them. But with that excitement also brings potential problems.

It’s always important to remember that your love interest’s life doesn’t start just because you showed up. You really have no idea if the person you like just broke up with a long term boyfriend or girlfriend or started dating someone around the same time they began dating you. Sure it’s certainly alright to ask what’s up, but not right away or else you might seem far too interested, controlling or that you’re just low on self-esteem. The key to any great relationship is communication but there’s a very fine line between finding out more about someone and seeming a little bit like a psycho.

If things seem to be a little off in the first couple weeks of dating it may not be you at all, it may be something else. If you can try to relax and just focus on the positive without prying into their lives too much you just might get through it. However if you can’t and you really wonder or think something might be up you should speak up and say something.

How do you know when to say something? Before you decide to ask about what’s happening elsewhere in their romantic life you need to first ask yourself some questions.

  • Have you been in the relationship long enough for this to be a reasonable request?
  • Is this worth mentioning at the moment or do you think it’ll just scare the person away?
  • If you’re happy with the relationship as it currently is are you willing to give that up?

These are hard questions to answer in any circumstance and they’re often just as difficult for the other person to answer. You must also be prepared to hear what they have to say in return. You may hear that they are still dating someone else, or several other people. You’re relationship may not be as exclusive as you think it is and that may hurt to hear.

If wondering what’s going on is making you unhappy and preventing you from having a good time with someone you should probably ask them what’s up. If not try and hold off as long as possible because sometimes it’s best to not say anything.

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  • Isil says :

    Good advice. Ive got a huge log of ruined relationships, friendships and jobs cause of my unclosabled mouth.

    Whenever i can I try and ask me why do i want or need to know whatever im about to inquire bout.

    It ussualy ends up being something im not secure about myself, and try and keep it controlled outside without much sucess.

    “Are you seeing others?? are you??” while checking out some other girlĀ“s ass across the street, etc.

  • al oof says :

    i thought this was going to be about how people who don’t really know you will be ‘surprised’ when you don’t fit into whatever preconceptions they had of you. this is a real turnoff in a relationship. like, it shouldn’t be a surprise, you just don’t know me very well.

    but anyway, your point was good too.

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Lux Alptraum
Monica Shores