BY Lux Alptraum
July 17, 2008
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Mary Van Note is a girl who knows what she wants: San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom. And even though Gavin’s never heard of her, it’s just a matter of time until he realizes he really wants to bang her. In her IFC.com web show, Mary uses the tricks and trades of dating “how to” manuals to win the heart San Francisco’s most eligible bachelor — and though they may not lead her to Gavin, they still make for some excellent entertainment.

We sat down with Mary to ask a few questions about life, love, and Gavin Newsom. Her answers below:

B: First things first: why Gavin Newsom?
MVN: His perfectly coifed gelled hair beckons to me and only me. He doesn’t know it yet, but his hair wants me, and indirectly he wants me. His hair desperately wants a tousle from me, Mary Van Note, who will love him and cherish him, and ravage him and his hair for the rest of eternity, ‘til death.

He’s also really hot.

B: What was the inspiration for “Gavin Really Wants Me”?
MVN: I’m experienced in the art of obsession. I once stalked a man who later realized that he indeed loved me. Even though it didn’t work out between us, I learned that I could get anything I put my mind and soul to–including mayors. Gavin Really Wants Me is the law of attraction, executed through video means, for the world to see. Hence the title, “Gavin Really Wants Me.” If you believe it, you will achieve it.

B: If things don’t work out with Gavin, are there any other men on the backburner?
MVN: Well, things will work out between me and Gavin, so this question is a complete and utter joke. Get with the program!

B: Any advice for the lovelorn?
MVN: Be yourself. Believe in yourself and love, just LOVE without any hesitation and you will find that love will find you in return. And stick figures. I’ve learned that drawing stick figures really helps you keep focused and determined. I also recommend masturbating. But, I’m sure the lovelorn already know about that invention.

B: Any other projects we should know about?
MVN: Besides my bid to be the campaign director for Gavin Newsom for Governor 2010, I plan on doing what I’ve already been doing–loving Gavin. You can also find me performing throughout the country, and at my own show, “Comedy, Darling” every month in San Francisco. As well as drawing many a stick figure on www.maryvannote.com/blog and making zines and cross-stitching decorative samplers that read, “Cunt Sweet Cunt” centered between two little houses in navy blue thread. For more on me you can check out maryvannote.com or myspace.com/maryvannote.