July 21, 2008
When Do You Reveal Your Secret?

You’ve just started dating someone. You have a potentially dealbreaking secret. When do you introduce the two?

We tend to vote for sooner rather than later — though not too soon. Though a first date might not be the right time to reveal your crossdressing kink, after a few dates — or whenever your relationship starts going from fling to thing — you might want to let the person in on the secret. It seems we’re not alone in that assessment: dating professionals agree! The longer you wait to spill the beans, the harder it’ll be… but yeah, we don’t recommend airing all your dirty laundry to someone you just met.

[Photo by kmtucker]

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  • Jeremy says :

    It depends on the setting of said secret. I prefer with a need to know strategy.

    If it’s that I have some twisted fetish, I’d mention it after sleeping together once (just so there are no bizarre thoughts on her part, wondering if I’m going to ask her to dress up or something).

    If it’s that one of my parents is a psychopath, I’d mention it prior to them meeting my folks.

    Basically, before they find out themselves. Seems like fewer shocking surprises are better in a relationship with someone that you plan to continue seeing.

    If it’s a one night stand or something, who cares? Let the freak fly.

  • Isil says :

    Hint about it a couple times and wait for them to ask, you ll be also “evaluating” their sensitivity, listening skills and IQ

  • axe says :

    I’ve found that there is no right time to tell someone.

    If I confess to my interest in being submissive to a dominant woman early in a relationship, I’ll usually be told “that’s something that should be discussed later in the relationship”. If I bring it up later then the answer is “you should have told me from the beginning”.

    The only option is to look for someone who’s into BDSM from the start. Doing so does limit the options however.

  • BOINKOLOGY | Commenter Of&hellip says :

    […] week’s award goes to axe, who offered up these thoughts on choosing a time to reveal a secret to a new partner: I’ve found that there is no right time to tell […]

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