BY Lux Alptraum
July 25, 2008
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6 Comments

There seems to be this ongoing debate about how we talk about sex and relationships, when we talk about sex and relationships. Do we stick to the party line, advertising only the best practices behavior, reminding everyone how important consistent and correct condom use is? Or do we wander into murkier territory, touching on the unpleasant truths: that sex without condoms can be far more fun; that if you’re in a certain socioeconomic group, you may be able to engage in risky behavior without fear; that some people get lucky enough to enjoy all the bad behavior with none of the repercussions?

Frankly, I don’t think it’s so black and white — they is, in fact, a large swath of grey area that may be the best place for these discussions to exist. For it is one thing to have “real talk” about sex — to admit that unprotected sex happens, that we all make our decisions and they don’t always add up to what we should do, or how they told us to live life in health class. But it is fully another another to come forth, guns blazing, with a highly defensive message of “These are my bad decisions, and fuck off! I choose my choice and you can’t judge me!”

I have made more than a few bad decisions, during times when I was definitely enough to know better, and I accept that, I own that, and I don’t judge anyone who has been in that position: because, like, why? But I also fully admit that — while I made my choices, and that was that — they are not best practices, they are not what I would teach my children to do, and while it’s well and good that I emerged unscathed, hey, you might not be so lucky. And this is, perhaps, the crux of a progressive discourse: to be able to recognize the reality and rationale of bad decisions, while still pushing forward with an idea of what we all should be doing, of what our best decisions look like.

Because it’s only with the knowledge of what we should be doing, and why, that we have the ability to stray safely — to make those mistakes and live to regret them (or not regret them, as the case may be).

[Photo by raulc]