Jezebel has a piece on the not-so-recent phenomenon of girl-on-girl mania (think: Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, Tila Tequila and her utterly public bisexuality) and whether it’s “bad for women.” While we understand the underlying sentiment — that this isn’t “real” bisexuality, and is just a performance to get attention from men — we’re pretty opposed to labeling anyone’s sexual expression as “bad for women” (or bad for society, or bad for… well, you get the idea).
Let’s take a step back: let’s say I’m a lady who is sexually attracted to women and men. For whatever reason, my level of attraction to the different sexes is not equal; to put it bluntly, I’m more attracted to men than I am to women. I will date and get into relationships with men, but I prefer to just make out with (or even bang) the ladies, without getting into all that sticky emotional stuff. Maybe it’s because of the stigma against same sex relationships. Maybe it’s because I’m terrified of losing my heterosexual privilege. Or maybe that’s just how I am. Why is it anyone’s business but my own?
If we already agree that casual sex is okay, and that not every sexual encounter has to lead to a committed relationship, then why is it so wrong for someone to exclusively engage in casual encounters with one kind of person while on the lookout for serious encounters with another? More to the point: they’re my genitals, and I can do what I want with them. Who are you to offer comment on that?
[Photo by L_K_M]
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Comments
Whether or not I’m merely a “party lesbian” should really be of concern only to me - and whomever I happen to be kissing.
September 5th, 2008 at 3:55 pmWhen I was in college I experimented as a “party lesbian” - meaning I’d hook up (mostly make-out, sometimes more ;)) with girls in front of other bystanders. ha.
Looking back, it was partly for the attention, partly for turning myself on, and partly because I was curious and just wanted to.
I doubt that there is any “party lesbian” out there that is doing it just for the attention.
“They’re my genitals, and I can do what I want with them”
September 5th, 2008 at 9:07 pmI used to get involved with the whole “party lesbian thing”. And I wasn’t doing it for attention and it was for my own personal pleasure.(I am bi, and it just so happened that I would meet a girl that I really enjoyed at a party and would make out with or more. Usually not more, cause I am not a whore)) I also realized that alot of true lesbians I knew were appalled by girls who do it for attention. Making a mockery of their sexual choice.There are girls out there who make out with girls they are attracted to, without realizing they are in front of others, they are so wrapped up in the heat of the moment, like a straight couple would engage in. But then their are drunk asses, who do it for girls gone wild, because that is what makes a women “sexy”. If she would make out with another girl while drunk frat boys are cheering them on. It’s disgusting and a slap to many girls.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:44 amAGIRL, there is so much contradiction in your comment, I’m not even going to touch that with a ten foot pole. lol Jeez.
It is widely recognized that female sexuality is fluid, and that even women find other women sexy, attractive, etc. Many will have a visceral reaction to that, and some of those will act on it.
It is just becoming more “acceptable” now to express those kinds of feelings, and so it appears that there’s a lot more “bisexuality” around than there has been. History is replete with women who enjoyed other women in addition to the men in their lives, however. Nothing has changed - people are just paying more attention to it now.
Quite honestly, I don’t see how it is possible, as a woman, to *not* be bisexual. I posit that, based on my own personal experience, a good 80% of women could be convinced to take a walk on the same side of the tracks under the right set of circumstances.
As for it being “real,” even if it is done purely for the benefit of other (i.e., men), it is *still* bisexuality to one degree or another. I know there are some purists out there who’d argue against that, but, by definition, if you’re being sexual with someone of the same sex, you’re not 100% heterosexual. And anything between that extreme and the opposit extreme is, again, by definition, bisexuality. Kinsey argued that, if you even found someone of the same gender attractive or handsome, you were exhibiting a minimal amount of bisexuality. And I am inclined to agree with that.
September 12th, 2008 at 2:10 amLeave a reply :