September 9, 2008
Masturbation: The New Infidelity?

We’re not sure how jerking off can be the new infidelity when we’ve been reading articles about women who are uncomfortable with their partners’ porn consumption since, like, forever… but there you have it: jerking off is the new infidelity. (We’d call it the new old new new infidelity, but we didn’t write the article.)

Aside from the lame premise of masturbation being the new anything (it’s been around for like, a billion years!), the article does have some good insights on why married men masturbate (because it feels good, duh), why women might be threatened by their partners’ jack off habits, and how couples can incorporate a little handy action into their sex play. So at least it’s got that going for it.

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  • Irene Kaoru says :

    From the article: Even so, when your wife finds out she’ll hear a singular message: Our sex life isn’t up to scratch. “Many women assume that if they catch their partner masturbating, it means they aren’t doing their part to keep him happy. ‘Why would he want to jerk off if I am right here?'” says Searah Deysach, owner of the Chicago sex shop Early to Bed.

    I take offense to this. Seriously. Doing their part to keep him happy?? What about the anger that the guy would DARE to WASTE an ERECTION on something other than PLEASING ME!?

  • Regina Lynn says :

    Uh oh. I had a snack by myself. I have denied my partner nourishment! Sharing a meal later isn’t going to make up for my utter selfish and irrational act of engaging in an enjoyable physical activity to satisfy an appetite, even though another appetite will be along later.

    Or, wait, should I be pissed that my partner didn’t show up and make me a meal the moment I felt a hunger pang?

    Why do people get so stupid about sex?

  • Angus says :

    While I’m all for monogamy, if you think that masturbation is infidelity, you are batshit insane.

  • Ivy says :

    This is silly…I’d encourage my partner to indulge himself if I can’t somehow be involved. Couples can’t realistically always be in sync when it comes to sexual desire. And so what if he thinks of some other woman or enjoys looking at porn while he’s doing the deed? Newsflash: Men aren’t the only one’s who enjoy fantasizing…it’s just another way to express one’s sexuality. Reports like these seem to be contrived to freak couples out about their sex lives and sexual desires. Because, you know, Americans don’t have enough baggage when it comes to how they view their sexual identity. 😉

    But hey, it’s fun to debate anyway!

  • Isil says :

    If you went past the thin red line of marrying, why not do it properly and stop jerking, looking or thinking about anything else but your spouce, social status and bank accounts completely.

  • Venus Muffinpants says :

    Agree totally with Angus. I am also an oldfashioned obsessed with monogamy (due to my insane jealousy) but masturbation as infidelity??

    God, in what world do those people live in? o_O

  • MPL says :

    “What about the anger that the guy would DARE to WASTE an ERECTION on something other than PLEASING ME!?”

    You do know he can make more, right?

  • Righteous Metal Broad says :

    I am a fan of masterbation as you cannot have your partner with you at all times. And nothing’s better than a good self-loving on a regular basis.

    I would only have a problem with my partner masturbating if he would rather jack off then give me sexy time. I was married to someone who was like that. He would be very sneaky about it and I didn’t consider it an infidelity, but I did feel left out because he was neglectful about my needs and I started to resent it. But then, there were other, bigger, problems to be dealt with.

    The people in the original article are definitely batshit.

  • sassy says :

    The only concern I would ever have is if he preferred his masterbation time over our time, all the time. Remember that sex and the city episode where Charlotte caught her husband in the bathroom jerking off to Jugs or some-like magazine, but yet he couldn’t have intercourse with her? That would be a concern.

    I enjoy myself as often as I realistically can, however, I wouldn’t choose an orgasm via masterbation over sex/intercourse with my partner…

    Besides, I like to watch him do his thing so I do not think masterbation should be seen as infidelity. Although I can imagine there could be men or women, who are not secure with either their own feelings toward masterbation (is it naughty or nice?) OR are not comfortable with how to either incorporate the positive into the couple’s relationship or be able to express the “why’s” to their partners.

    Masterbation, followed with sex is ideal.

    BTW…I’m a 46 year old female, so perhaps my perspective is different than a younger person’s? I don’t know about that.

  • mrss says :

    A lot of women do this just as much as men, and some of us probably do it more. If we don’t use porn and we don’t buy toys, our husbands are none the wiser, and we aren’t stupid enough to talk about it. If men had any idea how many women privately get themselves off immediately after sex, they’d probably feel a little weird. It’s biological, but nobody talks about it. Just as men are designed to impregnate, we’re designed to get pregnant. I’m sure in prehistoric times, the species had a better chance for survival if the females took multiple opportunities to conceive, and got them from a wide selection of genes, rather than having all children from one partner. In today’s world, our morals, society and emotions wouldn’t tolerate that, so if we’re healthy, we still have a strong drive to replicate those feelings, and many of us do. (I’m 46, and my sex drive hasn’t changed since I was 20.)

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Monica Shores