September 12, 2008
Can You Be Too Picky When It Comes To Dating?

When it comes to dating, how picky is too picky? I decided to find out by writing this fake Craigslist personal ad from a woman who had nearly 40 very odd requirements for dating.

Some of the highlights of the list included:

  • Must not be opposed to wicker furniture
  • Name must not begin with an R, a J, or a B.
  • Owning a car is a plus, but it can’t be a hatchback (some standards).
  • Passionate about animal rights, but willing to take in the circus when it comes to town.
  • Must be on T-Mobile for Fave 5 access.
  • Must not be more than one to five stops away from Carroll Gardens F train in either direction.
  • Must know CPR and have current certification, ++ for SCUBA certification.

Emails immediately started flooding my inbox and the first ones weren’t very positive:

“Here is what I am looking for. It’s not much. NOT MUCH!!!! Have you seen your own list of requirements??!!”

“your ad id probably why u dont have a boyfriend. y dont u just go buy a robot and program it do what u want or better yet go buy an inflattable boyfriend that way it can never put the toilet paper under. u fucking psycho.”

But as the day wore on and the post started to pick up some press, a strange thing started to happen. Men came out in droves to throw themselves at this fictional picky woman from Carroll Gardens:

“Im not sure how specific you are with your criteria for a romantic connection, but i can tell you that I live close to carroll gardens, I do like buffy st. marie, i always put the lid down,love cats, and dont smoke.”

“I’m not sure you can say you’re not asking to much and then have a long list of “musts.” But I didn’t write to criticize you – I know people do that. How moronic. But some of what you wrote sounded good to me. Some of it I don’t fit. I’ll leave it up to you to decide whether they’re deal breakers or not.”

“Hi, my name is Chris and I’m interested, please tell me more about yourself. I liked your post and I have a lot of the qualities your looking for in a man, so get back to me when you get a chance. Do people still wear corduroy pants?”

“I don’t think you’re asking too much at all. In fact I think we’d be a pretty good match. I’ll admit I don’t fit all of your criteria but I appreciate someone that knows what they like and is willing to put themselves out there.”

And to my surprise, some guys even responded to each and every question on the list. In the end more guys wanted to get to know this mystery picky woman than I could have ever thought possible.

So can you be too picky? Well ,of course you can be: too much of anything is usually a bad thing. But just be yourself and everything else will most likely fall into place.

These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • Facebook
  • Google
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati
  • TwitThis


  • Greg Battle says :

    Awww, Blakeley. Say it ain’t so. She was the one for me, I just know it. :-(

    Picky online works wonders. Hurdles help the self-selection process.


  • Kisters says :

    The circus line is a killer

    But i must digress with the `ere postulated, as taught by the great S; pickyness must fall a few metters off yard.
    Dog fighting.
    Lead shooting, you aim to the point where the bullets will meet the enemy bf109’s soft underbelly 1 3 or 10 seconds away.

    So, even if starter filters are all jolly and mesmerizing.

    like your cleverest sociological stunt which even if novel and so humbly addressing the stuffed Academics monolithious deciding of whats worthy of study, still the old prohet-pilot of redentipve Boinking, for repentance comes not from suffering your punishment but from rejoicement of your righteous withstanding in sober painful gratitude, that old reliable silver haired wingman says ” Let them come first, bleed all their E in cumbersome maneuvers and with the wisest hint of but a glint of your offset cannons, frighten and let them stall to death”

    Pickyness comes afterwards, once you extract the bountyful oil of Joys and are eager for a new fatal hunt.

  • Picky People Can Find Lov&hellip says :

    […] man with such particular qualities as owning three to five North Face items—was fake. Boinkology created the listing to test how well a neurotically picky woman would fare in the online dating sea. Apparently, the […]

  • Jeremy says :

    Richard, I’d be curious if you did this experiment coming from a man. Well it IS coming from a man, but featuring a man.

    I bet you’d get FAR fewer responses.

  • Richard Blakeley says :

    JEREMY: I bet you’re right but there is only one way to find out I guess…

  • Sally Tomato says :

    Damn! I thought this was real. Of course, the wicker furniture and Buffy St. Marie bits were kind of a tip-off that it might be fake. That, or someone from 1970 figured out how to use the internet for time travel.

  • AlanK says :

    As it happens, I was one of the men who replied and indeed responded to all the points. I even did it honestly…you have to tell a joke with a straight face for it to be funny. Of course, somehow the specs included neither age [I’m old enough to own the Buffy St Marie on vinyl] nor marital status [I’m taken]. Nor, of course, any reason someone would want to meet this woman anyway except from morbid curiosity. BTW: when I described this adventure to my SO, her immediate response was “it’s a hoax, isn’t it?” which may say something about male/female perception.

  • Joe says :

    Upenn is an ivy league. (“Ivy League education desirable, but Amherst, UPenn, Colgate, Vassar, Georgetown etc. acceptable”)

  • Isil says :

    Kisters is me btw :)

  • CC says :

    Here’s my Too Picky List. I didn’t post it but used it to “screen” the guys that I contacted thru CL… It’s long, so naturally, most of the guys just skimmed it and they did quite well!

    One guy questioned the “road rage” aspect, knowing he was a biker I slid in a ROTFLMAO and told him I normally toss spark plugs! He was all bad boy after that!

    Five of the ten guys I chatted with were Virgo, (as am I!) and those five are the ones that said it wasn’t on the list!

    All but two of them indicated notable books that they read and enjoyed.

    One guy had a great picture but in real life…wow!

    So, here it is:

    99 ways to my… head, heart and all the in-between of me.

    Men and women are not created equal, not in any way shape or form! Thank Goodness!

    I’m 5’3”; I’m toned & tanned. I’ve lived from Alaska to Florida and points in between. Idaho is home!

    In no particular order:

    1) You never cuss or yell in front of children, women, or the elderly!
    2) If you have children, grown or otherwise, they respect & love you!
    3) You never lose control of your temper behind the wheel! You grumble & you mutter, but you drive through it!
    4) You do not drive with a cell phone plastered to your ear!
    5) You have never rear-ended anybody while on a cell!
    6) You never blame others for your mistakes & failures!
    7) You really know the face in the mirror & present same to all you meet!
    8) If you have an “ex”, I hope it ended with mutual respect…
    9) If you do not know the answer you find the answer or plead the 5th!
    10) You have 24 hours in a day and know how to spend the minutes and yet, you are not AR! (That’s “anal retentive” look it up, or stop right here…)
    11) You know how to shut off work at the end of the day, (after I’ve had my hands on you and you trust me to listen!) & then you are mine…
    12) You know your strengths!
    13) You know your limits!
    14) You have expectations. We all do.
    15) You can express yourself in most aspects of life & women are a worthy challenge if you want them that close to the real you!
    16) You would never kick a dog, except to save a life!
    17) Dogs are great! You pick up after them, get their shots, wash & brush them! Or you just pet dogs & move on…
    18) Cats belong outside… away from the shrubs etc.
    19) In an emergency, you would be calm & help if you were needed
    20) If you witnessed something, you would step up
    21) You are not tied to your cell phone 24×7
    22) You are not tied to your computer 24×7
    23) You are not addicted to drugs
    24) You are not addicted to alcohol
    25) You are not addicted to porn
    26) You VOTE (or you choose not to vote and refrain from complaining)
    27) You believe in The Constitution of this Country
    28) If you are not from this Country you are visiting, working or applying for citizen status
    29) You do not like our current Political, Economic mess from the top down and you will yell & shake your fist at it with me
    30) You have some belief or spiritual guide as a personal compass!
    31) You understand “stuff” happens but this does not consume you.
    32) You enjoy a wide variety of music, (except the new sappy country/bubble-gum, (do not get me started!) and banging gangster “rape”, something about the exploitation of women and an entire culture in that garbage hurts my spirit!)
    33) You are not “stuck in a time warp”…In life, music, politics, job, last relationship…
    34) You are not glued to the TV, in fact you hardly watch TV
    35) You are not a pack rat
    36) You know quality work
    37) You have pride in your skill, trade, career, and sign it with your full name
    38) You have read at least two books that affected you…and will list them for me because you are important to me and I asked you to! Playboy & Penthouse excerpts do not count!
    39) You have a strong jaw, manly voice, and big arms to hold me!
    40) You can be bald, have hair, face hair, and smell like a man, please no “Aspen”!
    41) You are not a “snob”
    42) You are not a “slob”
    43) You enjoy nature and understand “conservation” vs. “extreme green”
    44) You know camping in Idaho is not about hauling up the TV/Video Games
    45) You know hunting Huckleberries pisses off the bears and Vigilantes is a popular watering hole…
    46) Sledding that area and its surrounds is right up there with Sex!
    47) Almost there, if you made it this far, you are, curious, attentive and considerate! (As #’s 50-99 are about me…)
    48) You want a woman who will react to your touch, and address your personal wants needs and desires as if you hadn’t pissed her off by just simply getting out of bed…getting into bed, or any of those moments in between!
    49) Sit back. Take a deep breath, put on your man hat, and humor me just a tiny bit because a man should enjoy everything about a woman as much as a woman should enjoy her Need & Desire of a man!

    Here we go!

    50) If you have knocked my socks off, blown my hair back, made my legs tremble and my stomach do flip-flops, (Butterflies touching down in migration across my skin,) you had better have me one more time!
    51) There it is.
    52) Quietly accepting the raw beauty of Desire & Need.
    53) If I ask you to wait a few more minutes, or hold me just a little longer, it means I’m not done, and if you’re perceptive you know I’m really asking for more of YOU!
    54) If you didn’t get any of that and you are bolting for the door…
    55) Ooops!
    56) I LOVE to cook!
    57) I LOVE to eat!
    58) I weigh 112 to 116 lbs. (depending on the season,) I have no scale.
    59) Blondish, sun streaked hair, shoulder length.
    60) My eyes blue; I got them from my daddy. I loved & respected my dad!
    61) I’ve never had a manicure.
    62) I rarely wear makeup and when I do, it’s not much.
    63) I hate to shop for clothes.
    64) I know how to “wear” clothing & look good in a dress or jeans and my custom made leather jacket, for you guys that ride!
    65) I’m not rough. I’m not soft. I’m not plastic. I’m really real.
    66) Florist flower bouquets do nothing for me. Pick me a wild one, buy me a houseplant, shrub etc.
    67) I love the sound of a tight bike, truck, or a car that purrs!
    68) I love usable kitchen gadgets & tools! Sharp knives, excellent pans, and a man that will insist on a bite & a nibble while I’m cooking!
    69) Clutter makes me a “lunatic”! Your toolbox & garage should be clean!
    70) Crip-crap nick-knacks annoy the hell out of me! Art, antiques are cool!
    71) I love to spoon! Nothing like waking up stuck together!
    72) I want one weekend every now & then to just hang out really “naked”, no interruptions! I figure if we have our stuff together, planning one weekend that is entirely focused on two bodies at rest & at play gets two (err 3 heads!) through the rest the world can throw at us! Honestly, I want this at least once a month!!! But if life dictates “busy & determined”, I’ll settle for one weekend every quarter, but it had better be good, REALLY GOOD!
    73) Did I mention, LTR?
    74) Oops!
    75) I tolerate bitchy, catty women & despise women who hate men! Idaho Custody laws have destroyed plenty of good men & harmed children!
    76) (I divorced my spouse, not my children…)
    77) I’ve been divorced for ten years.
    78) I have three grown, awesome, employed kids & two crazy grandsons!
    (Back in the day: I boarded a cross country flight with all three of my babies under 6 yrs of age & we disembarked to a standing ovation…not bragging, just letting you know what kind of parent, person, citizen I believe myself to be!)
    79) I’ve worn many hats but I look horrible in a baseball cap.
    80) I can yank a starter, alternator, toilet, (yes, I said toilet!) etc. but I do not change flat tires…I want a guy that can do that for me because jacks on the side of the road, by myself, flip me out! I can do it. I would rather not!
    81) I can climb a ladder but you will have to be there to talk my leg over to the rooftop & back down again. Not so good with heights…
    82) I will crawl under a house if a kid is stuck, or if my kids’ basement has flooded…I do not do tight, dark, creepy places very well, AT ALL!
    83) I love the water but I’m not a strong swimmer!
    84) I love to read.
    85) I appreciate talent, skill, craftsmanship, passion and focus.
    86) I love the smell of first rain, first crisp frosty morning, new snow, fall leaves, verdant dirt, new flowers, homegrown veggies, home cooked meals, and good company at my table.
    87) I do needle work, which is very old-fashioned, (my winter relaxation, like gardening the rest of the year…)
    88) I’m bored with me, right now, except a few more items…
    89) I snore. I wake myself up snoring. Rub my back, nuzzle my neck and if that fails, roll me over, (entice me to have sex?) even if I fall off the bed and again, in no particular order…if you have to get out of bed, please don’t be long. I hate waking up alone!
    90) I have a “Lead, follow, or get the hell out of my way!” attitude!
    91) If you are uber-sensitive to touch, sorry I wasted your time! Because I’m going to roll over and most likely grab some part of you at some point in the night! Not every night, just often enough! Feet, legs, chest, face and points in between…
    92) I will pick up my plate if you chomp, talk with your mouth full of food, or bite your fork.
    93) If you want I will call and make you a doctor appointment just do not go on & on about some ailment, or ignore it to the point that…I will mow the lawn, shovel the snow, and so much more that it would make most men’s heads split but if you bitch & gripe about some “condition”, as you haul your golf clubs, hunting implements out the door, just keep on walking.
    94) Did I “write” that out loud?
    95) I have your back as long as you never lie to me, lie to your boss/customers and most importantly; you never lie to yourself!
    96) I’m wrong sometimes and I say so…
    97) I’m not very big but I will challenge you if I think you are off target!
    98) I do not want to be your bookkeeper, your housemaid, or your whipping post…
    99) I want to earn & keep your respect, and deserve your love without hesitation!
    100) I LOVE SEX!

    They all commented on #100!
    It was reassuring to know there was a sincere effort on the part of the men to get to know a bit about me! The one element I left off was the “no kids” and that was a bummer for three of them, and for myself.

Leave a reply :

Comments RSS
Lux Alptraum
Monica Shores