Everyone knows that strangers are dangerous. Yes, they have the best candy and the coolest vans, but they’re just going to do horrible sex things to you. Online you find them by the millions. There are just oceans of pedos out there waiting to get their slimy mitts on you and yours. No child is safe, ever. We know this. Right?
Actually, no. According to scientific research the most dangerous person in a child’s life isn’t Pervy McBottomgrabber, but his parents and family friends.
The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children has a href=”http://preilly.files.wordpress.com/2006/12/perpetrator-3.jpg” target=”_blank”>this graph from a major study of who is committing sexual abuse. 78% of the time, it’s a parent. Another 10%, a relative or partner of a parent. Strangers make up just 3.9%. That’s 4 out of every 100 cases. The immediate response might be “Ah, but what about the cases that go unreported?” A missing child taken by a non-custodial parent is damn sure reported, it’s headline news and a major case for police. Because it’s rare.
The trendlines for online solicitation of kids are down too. Kids are safer at school and out in public than at home, if you look at the numbers alone. But Moral Panics don’t allow us to question suppositions and assumptions.
Why are we still instilling kids with stranger danger thinking about sexual abuse? A healthy body image and and good early sexual education (what is good touch and bad touch) is far more useful than teaching fear. Children who communicate about their bodies without shame and feel comfortable saying “No” and being clear are better off in the long run.
This election season has seen one candidate vilified for “teaching sex to kindergartners” which sadly may mean more of the same failed approach in the future.
[Photo by auro]
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Comments
There’s a really kick-ass book called “Harmful to Minors” by Judith Levine that covers this sort of thing and many other issues of sexual hysteria around kids. It, and The Ethical Slut, are probably the two books I recommend the most frequently to people.
October 14th, 2008 at 1:01 pmI was kind of shocked and appalled when the daycamp I worked at this summer was proud of the “stranger danger” program. Firstly, lets make kids afraid of everything. Secondly, lets have a bunch of children start screaming at anyone who wants to use a public park at the same time we’re there. It was creepy and insular and kind of useless. A better plan? Hiring more staff and education.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that instilling paranoia is cheap, and that I find that itself scary?
October 14th, 2008 at 3:00 pmChurch members abuses are noted under strangers?
October 14th, 2008 at 7:18 pmPeople also need to be deprogrammed at some point about strangers, once you hit a certain age it really is ok to talk to strangers. Really. This point is not made nearly enough to people and far too many people associate unfamiliar people with danger.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:19 am“Pervy McBottomgrabber” made me LOL.
While I agree with basically everything you’re saying, I’d like to point out that this sentence could use some tweaking when it comes to children of color and also poor children:
A missing child taken by a non-custodial parent is damn sure reported, it’s headline news and a major case for police.
October 15th, 2008 at 2:27 pm@Withoutscene:
Well said. The racial element to media panic can’t be denied. A white child taken by a strange is a national tragedy, a child of color or modest means barely registers in the mainstream press. It’s pretty ugly.
October 15th, 2008 at 3:10 pmLeave a reply :