Glow-in-the-dark garden gnome? Or glow-in-the-dark sex toy? Okay, it’s probably too big to stick up your hooha (that dog is in the picture for scale, right?), but someone wasn’t really thinking when they put the gnome at that angle for this image.

If you’ve been to Wal-Mart’s website lately (because, um… well, you might have!), you may have noticed a brand spanking new logo. Instead of a patriotic blue star, the logo is now adorned with a little yellow asterisk that bears some resemblance to… well, we’ll let…

Consider wrapping your lips around some “exploding tip” firecracker popsicles. Each of the three mouth watering flavors has a cherry-flavored tip “packed with popping candies and bursting with excitement”… we’re sure it’ll satisfy, um, something…

Chocolate Poppers! The candy that lowers your inhibitions and loosens you up for a good pegging! Goes great with….Ice Cream Poppers! And my favorite, Nut Poppers!

Wait, what? I feel all lightheaded.

The Oral-B Pulsar proudly bills itself as “the first brush with PULSE”.

Obviously, this thing can easily be used for more than oral hygiene and gum stimulation, and the good people at Oral-B seem to be winkingly embracing this fact with a lovely flash…

One Sir! Two Sir!

Just for kids at Bible Camp? Not a chance. I’m sure some naughty Boinkologists would “love taking a whack” at a consenting partner’s lovely derrière with these charming, wooden “inspirational paddles”–just snip off the rubber ball…

One thing I despise about bondage is how fidgety it usually becomes. After the usual pre-negotiating and planning involved in any sex or play, there’s rope to buy and coil and uncoil and keep clean and trimmed and untangled and so many knots to learn, not to mention how long they can take to tie if you’re doing something pretty and elaborate…

Your girlfriend left you, your booty call won’t return your IMs and your cat ran away. Life sucks when you’re lonely. What’s a modern, intelligent, liberated person to do?

Well, masturbate, of course…

OGC: Original Gansta Coder, the thug of the digital age? Or genius emoticon? You may start peppering your IM conversations with it…..now.

Vacuum screaming: With this unassuming vacuum-cleaner attachment, “WOMEN could turn dust into lust…

Ladies and gentlemen readers, we present for your approval, the Wetter Indochine Cupcake Bowl, available for purchase at Rose & Radish.

If this does not scream “BOOBIES” then we do not know what does. Maybe Boinkology left its mind in fifth grade…